i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
