This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
