first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
