Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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