I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How external is "for external use only"?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize