dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So much rum. So many feels.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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