Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize