Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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