New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Are we still banned from the library?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize