i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
