I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize