Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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