He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize