fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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