im drinking this country out of the recession.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
