Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize