There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
