I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
