In the future we'll all be gay
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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