i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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