You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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