Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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