If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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