life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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