I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
