I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
