The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
