Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
