The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
