did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
