he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
