apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
