I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
