Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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