Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
