sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The uberlube is also flammable
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
