I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
