Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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