On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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