my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
