What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
