what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
