u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
