I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
