It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
