I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My vagina is officially offended.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize