Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
