My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
