She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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