and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She announced her abortion via fbk
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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