Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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