Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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