I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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