my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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