Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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