All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
