so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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