she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
