my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
