My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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