I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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