She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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