I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
