Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize