I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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