hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
