"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
