3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
