and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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