Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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