That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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