hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
